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Another Jeffrey Lewis Blog.

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CLICK THE LINK BELOW THIS SENTENCE BECAUSE YOU WON’T WANNA MISS THE FACT THAT……

JEFFREY LEWIS IS COMMINIG! JEFFREY LEWIS IS COMMINIG! JEFFREY LEWIS IS COMMINIG!

That’s right! Here’s your chance to witness one of the great hero’s and inspirations in the life of the being lowly next to Jeffrey Fuckin Lewis, known as me.

People ask me all the time how I write new jokes and the answer is simple, I sit back, listen to Jeffrey Lewis and then cry like a baby wishing I was as brilliant as him.

If you don’t know who Jeffrey Lewis is, WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU/ Oh my god, I get to introduce you to a fucking living legend.

Soon enough, but first, let’s make sure you’re coming to this show because you might see the price and think a really dumb thought, like,
“Oh shit, 13 euros? No way, that’s WAAAAAAY to expensive for a concert.”

I would certainly agree that 13 euros is too much when the concert is your crappy band, but witnessing a true master of musical kung fu like Jeff it’s PEANUTS you cheap bastards.

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE.

If you are a cheap bastard, you will be happy to know that the opening band is none other than Berlin based super group FRESCHARD featuring TWO MORE great songwriters, Freschard AND the legendary STANLEY BRINKS!

WOW WOW WOW! 13 EUROS? COME ON? This is a gift from the Gods!

I love Freschard and I know for a fact that they’re gonna play THIS INSANELY AWESOME SONG because I get the privilege of playing the four stringed bass-tone machine with the band!

JESUS CHRIST! DO THE BLESSINGS EVER STOP?!?!??

What a show!

Seriously, if you’re reading this right now and you still don’t go to this show because you think it’s too expensive, your karma is shot and you’ll probably drown in a puddle of your own tears at a techno party because there’s no way the Lord almighty can allow you to live with such idiotic decision making.

Your fate is sealed, but before you do die, bear witness to something truly original.

This right here is not only another insanely awesome song about a monster, it’s also what Jeff calls one of his “short films” in which he sings along to a comic book drawn rendition of the song he’s singing.

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYONE DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE, FUCK NO YOU HAVEN’T SO SHUT UP AND PAY HOMAGE TO JEFF AND PRAY TO GOD THE CREEPING BRAIN ISN’T REAL BECAUSE I WILL LAUGH AS IT EATS YOU CHEAP BASTRDS TO DEATH SCREAMING,

“I AM THE CREEPING BRAIN, I AM INSANE AND I WILL EAT THIS STUPID TOWN!”

Club Mate cake club recipe.

Club Mate cake club recipe.

by mfdaviddeery ♥ 1 Comment


CLUB MATE CAKE RECIPE.

So a lot of people asked me, “Did you really bake Club Mate cakes?”

To which I always reply, “No, I shot them out of my wiener hole.”

Just kidding, I always answer “yes” because I did bake them, and now you can too with my easy recipe.

Ok, first things first.

I am not a professional chef. I bake religiously, meaning, I just throw a bunch of things together, and then, through my intense belief system, things work out.

It’s a faith-based recipe, and I believe so much in the power of Club Mate that there’s no way this recipe can fail me.

If you’re willing to test your faith in this wonderful beverage, let us continue.

STEP ONE. EGGS AND SHIT.

Ok. Step one is for sure crack open the Club Mate and take a huge swig. This is gonna be a long day. Then, crack a bunch of eggs into a baking bowl, and get some butter and I guess some sugar and mix all that shit together with a splash of Club Mate and by splash of course I mean half a bottle or so.
Mix that shit up.

STEP TWO. FLOUR AND SHIT.

Next step is to add the flour.

Make sure to drink more Club Mate as you’re doing these steps because you wouldn’t want to fall asleep while baking something and burn your house down.

So, throw in some flour, and of course some more Club Mate and probably some more sugar, and with your electric mixing dildo mix all that shit up while constantly believing* that what your doing is gonna work.

*Belief tip. Don’t have faith that what YOU’RE doing is right, but certainly believe that the CLUB MATE is doing the right thing. Let the power of Club Mate guide you.

STEP THREE! BAKE THAT SHIT!

ALRIGHT! You’re ready to throw that bad boy in the oven, but let’s start with a few words of advice.

One. Make sure to stay lubricated with Club Mate. You don’t wanna go near a hot oven without drinking a lot of liquids. Last thing you need is to end up dehydrated, passed out and helpless as your cake and house burn to the ground.

Also, make sure the oven is actually on. I’m not sure what temperature. Who cares? Between Celsius, Fahrenheit, gas, electric, and all the other weird things to think about I’d rather just be drinking Club Mate, so just turn it on and believe. That’s what I do.

I bet I could bake one of these bad boys just by the power of the sun.

And now you can too.

SEND ME PICTURES, and oh yeah…….

YOU’RE WELCOME!

Copenhagen pictures.

Copenhagen pictures.

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Let’s face it. Some of you won’t read three words about my bike trip to Copenhagen, so for you, twenty thousands words worth of pictures.

Lets’ start off with the best one. Get right into it. It was late, dark and quite miserable in Rostock. UNTIL I SAW THIS BILLBOARD!

That makes me happy and makes me realize that someone in Germany, somewhere has a sense of humor.

Someone got very happy.

Probably laughing at my jellyfish experience.

Riding onto the ferry was fun.

Then there was that really long bridge, somewhere in Denmark.



I OF COURSE had to stop at this Satanic church in the middle of no where to get a little energy from the upside down cross!

Then it was off to COPENHAGEN! TO do what I do. THANK YOU JOE EAGAN and THANK YOU ZULU COMEDY FESTIVAL! LEGENDS!

I rode my bike to Copenhagen!

I rode my bike to Copenhagen!

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What the hell did I just say?

Did we just read that right?

I rode my bike to Copenhagen? Who’s dumb ass idea was that?

I’m fairly certain that my death will come on the other end of some brilliant idea, like,

“Swimming across the Atlantic? YEAH! Sounds like a wonderful idea!”

So first and foremost a toast, to the woman who wrote the blog about riding the Berlin to Copenhagen bike path in four days by “casually doing a hundred kilometers a day.”

LIAR!

First off, there’s nothing casual about doing a hundred kilometers a day. Unless your in a car of course, and secondly, even if you did a hundred a day, you still couldn’t have possibly made it in four days because it turns out the whole bike route is ACTUALY 650 kilometers NOT INCLUDING THE FERRY.

So once again, thank you Internet for providing the world with a great platform for tons of misinformation.

Here’s a fact you’re reading on the Internet right now that’s true. NOT EVERYTHING ON THE INTERNET IS A FACT!

But I believed it. Duh.

So when I saw the Berlin to Copenhagen bike route was 650 kilometers, I thought it meant the route there AND BACK!

DUH!

Oh my god. The pedaling. The endless pedaling. Keep pedaling.

Next time I pedal this much it’ll be in a gym, where I can watch woman on the stair master machine.

When I’m at the gym I call the stair master the stare master.

KEEP PEDALING DAMMIT!

Just imagine the longest bike ride you’ve ever been on, then times that by infinity, and there you have it, the bike ride from Berlin to Copenhagen, just two hours in.

And not a McDonalds in sight!

Nothing but endless views of nothing.

And more nothing.

And some more nothing!

How much of this country bumpkin bullshit do we need?

How am I supposed to ride this long without a Big Mac?

I’m not lovin it.

I would kill a Saudi Arabian prince for some gasoline.

To drink, of course. End the misery.

And speaking of drinking, shout out to Red Bull.

Great job of not having a single Red Bull machine on the entire route of the Berlin to Copenhagen bike path.

You claim you sponsor extreme sports? What’s more extreme than riding a unbalanced bike across a border?

I don’t give a fuck about Red Bull actually I just wanted the wings.

WINGS!

My god, praise the inventor of the airplane. WOW! The airplane! What a great invention. Thank you guy who invented the airplane, I love you. I would blow your corpse right now.

Don’t get me wrong, at times the trip was EPIC, like having this entire beach to ourselves.

And jumping in naked, in Denmark on a beach all alone was sweet, but it also epitomized the entire trip, because as I ran out into the water and got about balls deep, I stopped, poised to dive in and as I looked down into the crystal clear lagoon type of water I realized I was SURROUNDED BY JELLYFISH!

YAY!

There were hundreds of jellyfish all around me including an amazingly huge jellyfish that was the size of a small child.

I bobbed and weaved and finally gave up and just ran like hell kicking my feet in fear and luckily didn’t get stung, at least not physically.

The greatest part of the trip was when we cruised two hundred kilometers in two hours!

The other really amazing part of the trip that kind of summarized everything was when we returned to Berlin last night, and while waiting for a falafel and blowing my nose, because of course I got sick at some point, some young German kid punched me in the back of the head!

AWESOME!

I thought it was some weird accident, as I looked up, half shocked at getting knocked in the back of my head, only to see three guys pulling some kid away from me yelling, “Come here! Come here!” in German.

I was shocked and said, “Me? Really?”

To which he insisted, “Yeah, Come here!” As his friends dragged him to the train to take him back to the suburbs he came from.

Yeah.

Welcome home!

THANK YOU BERLIN!

THANK YOU BERLIN!

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OK, before I jump on my bike and ride 400 kilometers to Copenhagen, I just wanted to get you all together for one last little moment and try to get a grip on what we all just did.

I think many people would love to give me all the credit for that amazing show we all had last night, but I would say, not so fast buddy.

It was the atmosphere that made it special. The vibe in the room was so full of energy it felt like I could have walked on the air through the crowd, looking down on everyone.

I was floating for sure, and you, the supportive friend made it happen.

THANK YOU!

For one night in Berlin, I was as delirious as Eddie Murphy. I was killing them softly like Dave Chappelle.

I chewed em up like Louie.

Then I sang a song and left. But not without feeling the love.

Thank you so much to everyone who’s supported me for four years of stand up comedy, and thank you to everyone who came out and enjoyed NO DIGGITY!

 

It was a smash!