I was stopped, in front of one of these small cement skate parks, which at the time only had a few people skateboarding, when I realized how much people can learn by watching little kids do things.

I watched a small group of kids, all between eight and twelve, skating with two guys in their twenties who were really good.

This is what I saw, and will now carry over into my stand-up comedy.

ONE:

BE CREATIVE, ALMOST BLINDLY CREATIVE.

Little kids skateboard in a way that no one else does, and one of the reasons is they don’t know what people are SUPPOSED to do. They haven’t been trained to throw on the headphones and dress like everyone else and conform.

They don’t identify as a “skater,” they just skate.

Kids have no idea that you can even make money or be a cool guy superstar from skateboarding.

I find it hilarious that something that was as rebellious as skateboarding has so many conformist fucktards doing it these days.

Gotta be the money.

A wise rapper named Guru said it, “The money yo, gotta people actin funny, yo.”

This little kid I was watching, though, he was just approaching it with new eyes. He was just doing things that he could think up.

Little kids don’t even know who everyone else is or what everyone else thinks is cool.

So rule one. Approach your art with your own eyes. Fuck what everyone else is doing, find your own way, and, even if your own way is similar or even exactly what is popular, stay true. Be yourself.

Find your own tricks.

TWO:

DON’T BE SCARED!

If you ever watch a little kid skateboarding, it’s fascinating. Before they have the talent, they have the balls.
They fly around fearless at top speed and launch themselves into oblivion without a care in the world, because they haven’t been hurt yet, and although they might get hurt any minute now, worrying about that is not getting the fun out of your fun bag.

No time to cry, just time to fly.

Now, listen, I’m not saying you shouldn’t be nervous, or even aware, and I’m certainly not saying be stupid and careless and launch yourself into madness, but what I am saying is be a fearless artist.

Don’t be a pussy. If you never try, you’ll never fly, end of story.

THREE:

DON’T BE AFRAID TO ADMIRE PEOPLE BETTER THAN YOU.

The coolest thing about kids is that they don’t try to hide their amazement with people, places and things. They get excited about stuff and aren’t afraid to show it.

You’ll never get better at art if someone else doesn’t inspire you.

Little kids watch older kids skating, often times in amazement, then they cruise right up to them and ask them,

“How do you do that?”

Kids aren’t afraid to ask questions and neither should you.

You’re never too cool to learn something from someone else, and if you think you are, have fun not learning shit, asshole.

FOUR:

DON’T BE A WHORE FOR ATTENTION.

Huge.

I mean, let’s face it, we all want attention and we all want people to like us and enjoy what we do, but for god’s sake, please stop trying to shove your bullshit down our throats.

If you’re good, the people will find you, stop posting about your boring party every three seconds everyday all day.

Listen, the hot girls never need to look around for attention. Trust me, they get it.

You need to do what little kids do when skateboarding.

First, they go to the opposite side of the park by themselves and practice a trick over and over and over and over until they have it. Then they come around everyone else, make it, and look around for the validation of the older kids, which of course, they get.

Get your shit together, THEN tell me about it and maybe I’ll care.

AND LASTLY,

FIVE:

DON’T WAIT YOUR TURN:

Little kids just have no concept of waiting their turn or caring about anyone else, because they haven’t even figured out that there’s a certain flow to skateparks.

They just go where they want, when they want and don’t give a shit.

I say do the same thing in your own art. I’m not waiting in line for anyone else if I don’t have to. I’m doing my thing, and if I get in there before you do, oh well.

I’m not saying be a dick, but if you got something to do, make it happen, and if the guy that was in front of you gets mad, well it’s his problem, really.

I mean, the skateparks of the world ain’t goin anywhere my friend. They’ll be here forever.

Of course, just like kids skateboarding, there’s a lot of social rules you’ll eventually learn and feel obliged to conform to, because you’re a small-minded conformist who’s afraid to swim against the mainstream current.

But please, don’t try to stop me, I’m only eight and I’m trying to ollie this wall.