Here we go again.
It’s 2013, friends, and regardless of how rich or powerful you are, you can never have enough tools in this world.
It’s all about the tools, friends.
You wanna do a job? You need tools.
Come and get em.
And after you get yourself a hammer, a saw, or a knife, have a smoke…..
If you don’t want to see a picture of my balls, leave now.
Seriously, I’m not dickin around today, I’m posting a picture of my balls.
This blog post is not suitable for anyone not willing to get a laugh off of something so childishly un offensive it’s offensive.
If you’re offended by balls, this is not your post.
Don’t worry. There’s no shaft in the picture. It’s not meant to be porno, it’s just meant to be some silly little fun, but you know how that goes, one minute you have your balls out, the next minute people act like you’re jerking off in their cereal, which on some level might also be funny.
Anyway. Just fuck off if you’re conservative, today’s post might not be for you.
This post is not suitable for homophobes, obviously. It’s a man’s balls. Homophobes tend to not like those things. Boo hoo.
It’s also not for up tight wanna be punks, and general mainstream types who think chuck tailors make you raw and tattoo’s are some kind of rebellious thing. Open your mind people. Punk is deeper than anything and everything.
Not trying to explain what punk is or what punk looks like is the punkest shit out there.
This post isn’t for people turned off by feet smell, and people who complain that other people are “weird” or “fucked up” or whatever assholes say about fucked up weirdo’s as they do whatever they do that offends people because it’s not what those particular people do and want to see within the walls of their perception.
I saw this guy dancing the other day and I actually thought to myself, “whoa, what a weird guy, dancing like that. To music and everything. What an asshole.”
Then I realized, the guy dancing was a million times cooler than everyone else because he was doing what no one else was doing. He was having fun, while everyone else was sitting around wondering what everone else would think about them if they were dancing wildly alone.
Why do we always bash people who are different but then claim we want to be cool and different, then do nothing that’s actually cool and different?
We suck balls.
This blog post certainly isn’t suitable for you if you want some of that same old same indy music and electronic remixes ready to insert into your laptop for your next big dj gig because unless people want to dance to my balls, there’s nothing in this blog post for rockin a party.
So people, what I’m trying to say here is this, if you don’t want to see a picture of my balls, leave this blog post alone, because that’s exactly what I’m doing here today my friends and fellow seekers or artist truth.
I’m posting a picture of my balls.
So let it be known that this aint some internet gimmick.
This is just me, myself, and ei. (A little German humor for ya.)
Just me and my two best friends. Hangin out.
I mean, this IS an art blog, right?
Fuck it, I’m gonna do what I wanna do and if I wanna post a picture of my testicles hangin out of a pair of woman’s panties I have all the right in the world to do it.
And maybe you happen to be the type of person who wants to have a peek at what my balls hanging out of a pair of woman’s panties might look like, and, well, if you are, then who the hell am I to deny you that simple pleasure.
(Maybe pleasure is the wrong word.)
Regardless, at the very least, I hope you’re at work getting paid to deal with this level of childish bullshit, and don’t say I didn’t warn you over and over again, and even one last time for all the marbles (pun intended) I’m not kidding, I’m about to post
Happy Monday fuck-o’s.
Are you having a horrible day? I am.
My curtains fell and broke.
My broom broke, when I smashed it against the wall because my curtains broke as I was sweeping, and lastly,
my ego broke, when I realized I was living in Germany where the smallest percent of people possible care about stand up comedy.
It’s like being a scientist at a Christian camp. NO ONE CARES!
Oh well. In times of desperate sadness, a little attention goes a long way, and I find that people like to enjoy my dumb drawings! YAY ME!
YIPPPPPPIE!
So here’s three to hope cheer you up enough to comment and say something nice which will then cheer me up, so we can all go on being spoiled rotten white kids in the beautiful first world!!
Monday’s got you down? Just do what Dres and I do.
I (and members of Black Sheep) Live everyday like it’s Saturday. Wake up, go to bed, YO! It’s Saturday again!
A lot of people don’t even know that I make art. A lot of people have no idea that I make art, or make fake situations up, and then sneak around Kreuzberg with a stash of these flyers and hang them up on poles, and then watch from a few meters away as German people wonder why anyone would give away 100 euros for a lost Döner.
This is an ode to drinking and what drinking can do to my insecurities and confidence. I’m most confident around ladies who drink between one and three beers, but as you can see, like everything else, there is a tipping point.
Things can go too far, and they usually do. But you know what I say, it’s better to go to far than to go to farm, although a few months on the farm right now might make me happy.
I’m sick of the sheep in Berlin, maybe some real sheep would change my attitude.
Hope you enjoyed the art show. See you soon on a far too crowded train in the hip city of Berlin.
Thanks to the Bright trade show, I once again bumped into an old friend from my San Francisco skateboarding past. This time it was Kent, the owner and mastermind behind FTC, the legendary skateboard shop from SF.
I used to go to FTC almost everyday in the mid 90’s when I worked up on Haight Street. Good times.
SCAN ONE: ME AND KENT CIRCA 1997
Seeing Kent inspired me to dig through my old photos and re live some amazing memories that I was so lucky to be a part of. SF in the 90’s was a hot bed for skateboarding, Graffiti, and hip hop, and Kent and I were right there in the middle of it.
The Dan Drehobl’s, the Julian’s, the McBride’s. Watching EMB and Hubba become legendary. Wallenberg. The Mission, when people still shot heroin. The 500 club. The Hills. The Burritos. Fort Miley. The Avenues.
Skateboarding was so pure and fun back then to me. It was raw, and I was lucky to be there.
Here’s the photographic proof.
SCAN TWO: Cairo Foster Circa 1996
I Met Cairo in 1993, in Florida, and I was lucky enough to be around this guy and skate with him and watch him go. It was no surprise to me, or anyone else, because this dude killed from the minute I met him. Great great great guy as well.
I snapped the top photo and the bottom photo (Frontside flip) was snapped by David Franklin, a much better photographer than myself.
SCAN THREE: Bobby Puleo and Justin Strubing 1997
Here’s the proof that I’m not a great skate photographer. I took both of these photo’s and even printed the second one. The top is Bobby Puleo and I can say this about Bobby, he is one of the fathers of the modern street style. Long before what’s goin on now, Puleo was skating weird spots, doing weird tricks other people weren’t doing, and was so consistant I often wondered if this guy was a robot.
Similar things could be said about Strubing. (ollie off a bump at Fort Miley) Justin never conformed to the slow roll tech bullshit, he did then, what’s popular now. He skated fast, he skated everything, and he did it faster and better than everyone else.
I saw Puleo last year in NYC, but haven’t seen Justin in a minute. What’s up Strubs?
SCAN FOUR: Puleo skates Jim’s ramp in Oakland circa 1998
Ok, so I’m not the BEST skate photographer. Fine. But this shot works for me. Bobby Puleo about to lock into a frontside smith grind while Matt McGrath and the hand of Matt Fields looks on.
SCAN FIVE: Bobby Puleo is a degenerate scumbag.
What I lack in photographic merit in action shots, I make up for in grimy real life action. Here’s Puleo flexin his goose jacket with a marker in hand and a fresh ink spot on the wall to his left hand side. The skateboard scene and the graffiti scene and the hip hop scene all merged together to be a melting pot of future cliche marketing terms and ideas that scumbag energy drink companies are exploiting to this day.
SCAN SIX: Patrick O’Dell
Before he was the mastermind of Epicly Later’d, or the Vice guy, he was the Thrasher guy and before that, he was just some kid that I met while travelling in Ohio.
I’m strangely proud of this guy and excited that I know him. I like what he does, and hope someday he gets that Mark Gonzales episode we all know he wants.
SCAN SEVEN: Mark Gonzales gettin goofy circa 1997
Speaking of Mark Gonzales, have I mentioned lately how much I love the Gonz and that I interviewed him for my zine and that he’s by far the raddest dude I ever met and also, he’s funny as hell, and he’s way cooler than school.
BE LIKE THE GONZ!
SCAN EIGHT: Satva Leung, Tobin Yelland, Mark Gonzales, Greg Hunt circa 1995-1998
What can I say? These are some of my favorite people in the world. I don’t get inspired like this anymore. It’s sad. I don’t feel surrounded by gold like I was in SF in the 90’s.
SCAN NINE: Tommy Guerrero makin musica at a Thomas Campbell art opening.
Long story short, this was the type of thing happening every other night in SF in the 90’s. Tommy G jammin in front of Thomas Campbells amazing paintings.
Indeed indeed my friends.
Another award you ask?
The picture says it all!
Do I deserve another award this year?
Well, yes, I do, you see, this is what happens to people who put the work in. Those who slave in the fires of art rise from it’s burnt ashes with awards and accolades, fame and fortune and all the boobs they can touch.
I do like boobs, and I LOVE WINNING AWARDS!
So yes, another award.
This time its a BRIGHT EUROPEAN SKATEBOARD AWARD!
Who would have thought it? How did this happen you’re asking yourself.
Do I skate? Yes.
Did I do a nasty kick flip a month ago? INDEED!
Did I just win the KICKFLIP OF THE YEAR AWARD!
Oh my God, as Busta Rhymes might have said, Oh my God, YES, OH MY GOD!
Who or what can stop this MF’er this year, and before you even ask the question I will tell you the answer.
No one and NOTHING can stop me. I will kickflip again. I will.
I am. I be.
It’s time to act like the Bright European Skateboard Awards and RECOGNIZE!
Get on board or get run over, or in this case, shall I say, get kickflipped over!
ON GLUE MEDIA 