AND SO IT BEGINS…. 

So I’m off, trying to re capture the original journey of funk, that spans between my first LSD experience and where ever I end, with California, Noah D, MUSHROOMS, Rainbow gatherings, The Granola Funk Express, The Mission Burrito Project and what not and have forth and so on and so on.

What I need right now is for people to just read this first chapter and tell me what they like and tell me what they don’t like (very important!) so I can get a feel for what is working and what’s not. I, of course, think everything I say is genius, because I am a God, much like Kanye West, full of self confidence and self riotousness, and verbal wisdom.

Keep in mind this is un edited and I’m well aware there are gramatical errors, I’m more interested in story and mood and entertainment critic right now. I have a lovely editor waiting to help me out, after I re write.

You can download the first un edited, un cut, first draft of the first chapter below, and then please, please, please, either comment on the post, message me on FB or send me an email to askdaviddeery@gmail.com

Thank you and hope you enjoy it!

To DOWNLOAD click THIS >>>>>>>>>>>> My First Trip

Well, friends.

I’ve done it again. That’s right. I’m officially an art dealer! I just opened my own gallery.

That’s right. Art, mother fuckers. I’m dealin it.

I know, I know.

You’re absolutely right. I’m not a rich private school kid with rich Hollywood parents and tons of connections and drugs, but hey, I ran a half marathon, and I know first hand that if they offer you a half marathon, you should take it and tell everyone that you ran a marathon.

Just drop the “half” part. No one will question it, and it’s still “the truth.”

That has nothing to do with art of course, I just wanted to let you guys know I ran a half marathon.

I ran it in 1 hour and 30 minutes give or take, but mostly give about thirty four minutes.

Anyway. Yes. The art show.

Actually. This show is exclusive for the comedian and Asian guy who probably hates to be called an Asian guy, Bobby Lee, so if you’re not Bobby Lee, you’re not really invited to the opening.

If you are Bobby Lee, welcome.

If you’re not Bobby Lee, you should check out Bobby Lee. He’s funny. You should also fuck off, you’re not invited to the opening, even though I put the link on Twitter.

Can I kick you out? No. I have no idea how I would do that, so please just stay out of Bobby’s way while he looks at the art and don’t make a big deal out of him being here. So he drives a Prias. Big deal. Bobby doesn’t need to hear anymore about what a hero he is to the environment, or how masculine that car makes him look.

Now, again, if you are Bobby Lee, I’d like to personally welcome you to the Bigfoot One art opening.

Would you like a something to drink Mister Lee?*

*If you answered yes, proceed to your kitchen and grab a drink.

Great. Now lets get on with some art. Take your time Mister Lee, and of course if you’d like to purchase any of these pieces, we can discuss the ludicrously expensive price anyone in your position would obviously be willing to pay because this art is so good, and the gallery has such a prestigious reputation.

Wink, wink.

And now, without further a doo doo.

THE BIGFOOT ONE ART SPECTACULAR PRESENTED BY THE MF DAVID DEERY GALLERY FOR THE ARTISTICALLY INCLINED, BUT SOCIALLY AWKWARD……

This dude is my favorite……. Acrylic on wood.

These Dudes…….. Acrylic on wood.

Let’s not forget this guy…. “The Forest Warlord!”…….Plastic.

Multi foots……….. Acrylic on varnished wood.

Just like the good old days……. Spray paint on wood.

And for the grand finally. The big one, for rich comedians with massive mansions. What better way to let people know you’re gettin that “movie money” than buying the biggest piece in an art show. This is the big catch. This is the one you’re gonna wanna brag about. It aint cheap, but it will pay off when Louie, Chris Rock or that guy from Hangover swings by your place for drinks.

Don’t worry friends and lovers of stupidity, even if I posted a Facebook update saying, “No, it’s not my birthday, but it is APRIL FOOLS DAY, and I even did this little trick last year” it would not matter.

We live in a strange time, don’t we?

Who needs to think, or care, or even wonder about anything anymore?

Facebook told me it’s your birthday, so I will wish you a happy birthday. I am a good friend says the masses.

BAAAAAAH says the sheep.

I wonder how many people, and do not say zero, because I’m sure many would, would wish me a happy birthday day in and day out if every night I changed my birthday to the next day?

I know, I know, people are just being cool and friendly and I’m kicking them when they’re feeling great about themselves.

I suck.

“Oh, Happy Birthday David Deery! Look Look, WE’RE CONNECTED.”

They get all smiley and smug, and then I come along,

“YOU DON’T KNOW ME LOSER. YOU’RE NOT MY FRIEND. THIS IS AN ELABORATE TRICK THAT’S NOT EVEN THAT ELABORATE AT ALL, IT”S ACTUALLY SOMETHING ANYONE COULD FALL FOR, BECAUSE ASIDE FROM YOUR BEST FRIENDS BIRTHDAYS, WHO REMEMBERS ANYONES BIRTHDAYS, WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY I RARELY WISH ANYONE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY ON FACEBOOK UNLESS I WANT TO SLEEP WITH THEM, AND I WANNA SLEEP WITH MOST OF THE GIRLS ON FACEBOOK, BECAUSE I WANNA SLEEP WITH MOST OF THE GIRLS IN THE WORLD BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF.”

I need a shower.

Happy April Fools Day Losers.

PS. I’m not going to NYC or LA. You’re stuck with me Berlin.